


Living Seasons Through

by ohstardustgirl



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Dodgy science, F/M, Fluff, Gift Work, Kissing, Rebelcaptain - Freeform, Rebelcaptainsecretsanta, Romance, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 03:42:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13158525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohstardustgirl/pseuds/ohstardustgirl
Summary: Jyn and Cassian are stranded on a planet for a year - is it a gift of time, or a prison sentence?For @imsfire2 for the Rebelcaptain Network’s Secret Santa 2017! (Prompt: Seasons)





	Living Seasons Through

**Author's Note:**

  * For [imsfire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imsfire/gifts).



The ship stuttered as it bounced around in the atmosphere of the planet and Cassian cursed under his breath as he battled with the controls. Jyn felt her heart in her throat, her stomach not far behind, as the ship _dropped_ before Cassian righted it. Outside, thick purple/grey cloud flashed with streaks of blue lightning, a dense mist unlike anything she had ever seen before. She reached across and gripped Cassian's shoulder - space flight was still far from her favourite thing, nevermind crash landings - and he raised an eyebrow, and even half smiled. Always so controlled, she had learned in their short time together.

"Okay?"

She nodded, but didn't let go of her death grip on his shoulder. _I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me,_ she repeated in her head. If she was going to die with anyone she was glad it was going to be Cassian, without a doubt, she just hadn't thought it would be so soon after the last time.

As quickly as they had entered the atmosphere they exited the other side with a stomach-churning swoop. It was nighttime planetside and the lightning was now above them, flashing and illuminating the landscape below through the blur of torrential rain. Jyn could see mountains and valleys and hoped that Cassian had a better visual of where they could land, providing he could get the ship under control. They had taken fire from a TIE fighter, making a jump to hyperspace impossible, and Hoth was light years away. Jyn could only hope that if they survived the landing, they survived the planet.

The ground rose quickly to meet them, rain battered the hull, and at the very last second Cassian pulled the nose of the ship up just enough that they landed and bounced and landed again before the ship skidded through the mud and eventually came to a shuddering stop.

Jyn didn’t realise her eyes were screwed closed until she had to open them at the feel of Cassian’s hand on hers where her knuckles were white on his shoulder. Her heart pounded over the relentless patter of the rain outside, and the feel of Cassian’s fingers entwining with hers became the centre of her universe as she calmed herself.

They both caught their breath as the ship creaked and settled, and rain pattered against the hull. 

Ahead, in the darkness, glowing lights approached the ship.

"Any idea where we are?" Jyn asked as she opened her harness and reached for her blaster.

"No idea, all the sensors were going crazy." Cassian responded as he copied her. "Let's just hope the locals are friendly, because this ship isn't going anywhere for a while."

 

Their blasters weren't needed after all, though the locals had also come armed just in case. It was a small group - a few men and women of various ages, dressed for the rain and carrying glowing glass lanterns. They offered shelter from the rain and food, but Jyn and Cassian wordlessly agreed with only a glance between them that they were not moving far from their ship. Once both sides were convinced that the other was no threat, Jyn and Cassian were able to get some answers, none of which were very helpful.

“What I mean is, these storms only happen once a year: the Death of Summer. For just one day, the storms are intense enough to weaken the atmosphere. And it’s the only time you can come in or out of the planet." An older man, around Draven's age but with longer, greyer hair, told them, as if the second explanation made it any better.

“Once a year?” Cassian asked, his voice raised and not just because of the rain. “That’s not possible.”

“It’s the truth,” said a young fair-haired woman who had introduced herself as Nora. “Many have tried to leave before - ask Val! He nearly died!”

“It’s true, I tried." A dark skinned young man stepped forward, and Jyn noted he had the posture of a soldier. "I landed here three years ago and of course tried to fly straight out again. But the storm had passed, and the atmosphere was so heavy the ship nearly fell apart. During the next summer storm, it was like a door had opened - I broke through the atmosphere as if it were nothing.”

“Then why are you still here?” Jyn asked. Val and Nora seemed sickeningly young and sweet and optimistic, though they were probably her own age. She hadn't felt her age since she lost her mother.

“I didn’t want to leave,” he gripped Nora’s hand, and she looked up at Val adoringly. “I have a life here now.”

Cassian's lips were thin and his jaw tight. “Our lives are out there. There’s a war going on, and we’re part of it.” 

The old man - Avi - shook his head and sighed. "Not anymore."

A year stretched out in front of them: whether it was a prison sentence or a gift remained to be seen.  


**Autumn**  
The lightning storms didn't return, and the sky settled into a violet shade behind pale grey clouds. The leaves on the trees turned yellow, red and brown before falling to the ground, and Jyn felt her hope die along with them as the days grew shorter.

Cassian didn’t want to be here. Gone was the man she was becoming to know and love, and in his place was the spy she had met in the war room months ago, the man who had closed his heart and lied to her on Eadu. At first he had been optimistic - he got the ship flying again after only a week, only for it to nearly fall apart in the atmosphere as he tested it. The locals were telling the truth: there was no way off the planet.

Cassian shut himself off after that. It had been nearly two weeks since then, and he had barely spoken to anyone, instead taking himself off for hours at a time, sometimes returning only after Jyn was asleep in the small cottage they had been gifted.

Jyn, meanwhile, helped where she could. The locals were mostly farmers, self-sufficient and extremely knowledgeable about their own environment. Jyn had no desire to keep herself away from everyone; her heart had been unlocked by the events on Scarif and the people she had met, and the life she had lived before - just surviving, not letting anyone get close - seemed impossible now. It hurt all the more that Cassian had distanced himself from her.

Nora and Val and the rest of the little village did their best to make them welcome, and Jyn found that she enjoyed the couple’s company and hospitality. She looked up from where she knelt, hands black with dirt as she planted vegetables in their allotment, and saw the pair embrace and cuddle, laughing and whispering. Jealousy sat behind her breastbone like a creature made of heavy clay, squirming and clawing at her insides. _He doesn't want me like that, and who can blame him?_ The thought hurt like a knife to the gut, because she wanted Cassian and the thought of being trapped with him for a year knowing he didn't want her was as bad as the thought of leaving him.

Jyn Erso had always been better with actions. Enraged, she stormed from the allotment and found Cassian at the edge of the valley as the sun set. The sky was pink and purple.

"Do you want me to go?"

Cassian whirled around to face her and Jyn ploughed on before the surprise on his face could stop her. "Jyn, what -"

"I'll go - Nora says there are other settlements, I can go to one of them if having me here is making you miserable. Or you could leave, you wouldn't be the first."

Finally the Cassian she thought she knew appeared - the softened features of the elevator on Scarif, the honesty of the medbay after their escape from Scarif - and Jyn knew her fear of being left behind had gotten the better of her.

"I don't want to leave you, Jyn."

"Is it so bad, being stuck here?" Cassian turned away and looked to the sunset, and Jyn wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s peaceful, and safe.”

He reached out and took her hands in his, a blush to his cheeks, and Jyn felt her rage melt away into something molten and sweet. 

"You deserve so much better, Jyn, than to be trapped here with me." His thumbs brushed over her knuckles, and his eyes traced the movement as she watched his face. "War is all I've ever known - I was throwing rocks at Clone Troopers when I was six years old. What am I - who am I - without that?"

 _Oh Cassian_ , thought Jyn, _can’t you see what I see?_ She couldn’t find the words to tell him that she thought he was a good man, and that there was no one else in the universe she would rather be trapped or free with. Instead she slipped her hands from his and gripped his collar, and raised up on her tiptoes to press her mouth to his. Cassian froze beneath her for a breath and then came alive, his hands slid up her back to tangle in her hair and his mouth opened to her. Jyn wondered how she had resisted him for this long, how she had breathed without him or made it through a day without kissing him.

Once she started, she found she couldn’t stop.  


**Winter**  
Jyn panted and giggled, and felt the chill of the room begin to bite at her skin again as she came down from her high, though her cheeks still burned and ached from her smiling. The tip of Cassian’s nose was still somehow icily cold in contrast to the heat of his mouth as he trailed his way up from between her legs pressing kisses to her stomach and breasts before nestling alongside her.

Outside, the snow had piled up knee high, and unable to leave the little cottage they shared, they had found ways of entertaining themselves and keeping the cold at bay. Lying in bed with the fire dying in the corner of the room and Cassian’s heartbeat under her palm, Jyn didn’t care if they ever left the room again.

“Do you think we would have ended up like this if not for this place?” Jyn asked when their breathing had settled and the atmosphere was warm and safe.

His smile was lopsided. “It certainly would have made Hoth more bearable.” When Jyn laughed, he continued. “I would have been yours in any way you would have had me, Jyn.”

“Yeah?” Her heart swelled and she reached out to run her fingers over the scruff of his beard, overcome with affection. He turned his head and kissed her fingertips. “And when we leave here?”

He sighed heavily, and held her wrist. “Either the galaxy will still be at war, or there will be peace. That doesn’t change what we’ve built together, Jyn. Nothing will.”

Jyn smiled, and the universe shrank even more - there was nothing beyond this bed, beyond the two of them. She missed her friends and worried about them, about the galaxy, desperately, they both did, but at that moment it all faded away and she felt an unfamiliar peace settle over her.

“I love you.” The words slipped out, peace and affection overriding her fear, and her heart pounded in surprise at herself. She felt her eyes go wide, but Cassian’s face softened into something so joyous and beautiful that any regret she had melted away. He kissed her firmly, stealing the breath from her lungs, and when they parted he whispered words in a language she didn’t know but she understood the meaning of them.

The fire died down to ashes before either of them noticed, and neither of them felt the cold for a long time after that.  
**Spring**  
“Isn’t he perfect?” Nora sighed, beaming down at the bundle in her arms which grunted and wriggled. 

Jyn found herself transfixed by the tiny nose and miniature fingernails, and swallowed past her dry throat. She had watched Nora's belly grow with a mixture of fascination, horror and a strange sense of happiness and warmth whose origin she couldn't quite pinpoint.

And now little Zell was here, with his father's colouring and his mother's mouth. 

"He's beautiful, Nora," Cassian spoke from beside her, eyes wrinkled with a genuine smile. The slight hitch to his shoulders was the only sign to anyone other than her that he wasn't entirely comfortable. "You must be very proud."

Jyn often wished she could school her features as well as Cassian could, instead she was all too aware of the sullen expression she slipped into when in fact she was feeling perfectly neutral. So when Nora suggested Jyn hold the baby, she had to force herself to smile while saying no so as not to offend the besotted new mother.

“Oh Jyn, trust me you won’t hurt him!”

Jyn glanced at Cassian, who smiled with a twinkle in his eye as if he were enjoying her discomfort. Before she could argue again Nora was on her feet and arranging little Zell in Jyn’s arms. 

Her heart raced and the smile slipped, her body reacted in a way that made her arms tremble. She had never held anything so small and fragile before; babies were too innocent to have ever been a part of her life or even her daydreams of an impossible future. Zell yawned, his tiny perfect mouth opened wide and his little fists clenched and uncurled. She felt as if his blue eyes could see right through her, judging her. Tears sprang into her own eyes and she blinked them away. A strange kind of peace settled over her - the kind she had only felt before in quiet moments with her parents, or more recently with Cassian. 

Jyn glanced up at Cassian who stood beside her. Instead of looking at little Zell, his gaze was on her, his expression stunned as if someone had just told him the war was over and he was free. Zell began to fuss and the spell was broken, and as Nora lifted the crying baby from Jyn's arms, Cassian gave her a sheepish smile.

Throughout the rest of the day into the evening, Jyn could feel the question in the air between them. As it often was, it was in the quiet moments just before sleep when it was a little easier for the words to slip out, lulled by the warmth and safety.

"Did you ever want a family?" Jyn asked the darkness.

Cassian's hand stilled where it had been stroking up and down her arm before resuming the motion. "I never thought I'd live long enough," he sighed as if steeling himself. "What about you?"

"I never used to. I didn't think I would ever want to be part of a family again, and that no child would want me."

She felt his lips move against the bare skin of her shoulder. "And now?"

Her breath shuddered out. "In the right place... at the right time..." she swallowed hard. "With you."

Cassian trembled against her, and buried his face in her neck, and was silent for a long time before he spoke again. “If the war ends, then I would want to.”

“Yeah?” Jyn turned to look at him, her pulse deafening as the magnitude of their words sank in. She reached up and carded her fingers through his hair, as he kissed her softly. She wished she could see his smile in the dark, though she could feel it against her own.

“With you, yeah.”  


**Summer**

“I can hear you thinking,” Jyn nudged her arm against Cassian’s as she sat beside him on the grass. The sun shone bright and hot, and Jyn liked how it warmed her skin as she mentally reclaimed the joy of sunny days from the horrors of Scarif. Around them, their friends and other locals talked and danced around them. Val danced ridiculously with little Zell in his arms, and Jyn thought the child grew chubbier and brighter every time she saw him. It was the Longest Day, the mid-point of the year. Old Avi had explained to them that there had been a celebration on this day each year for as long as he could remember.

Cassian swirled his cup of wine. “Our year is almost up.”

Jyn tensed, and sipped her drink. They had both been dancing around this conversation for weeks and she supposed the wine had loosened his tongue. “Yeah, it is.”

“What if we stayed?”

Jyn blinked, and stared at Cassian who pointedly didn’t look at her, a sure sign he was hiding something. “I didn’t think you would ever consider that.”

“When we first came here, I thought I wouldn’t survive, because all I’ve ever known is war. And now I know that I am capable of so much more, I don’t know if I ever want to go back.”

Jyn gripped his hand in hers and held it to her heart. “Could you do that, live a life knowing that you chose not to fight anymore?”

Cassian sighed, and Jyn knew she was right - this was where his battle lay, between his loyalty to the cause and his desire to be a free man. He carried the guilt of not fighting for one year on his shoulders, and she knew a lifetime of that would destroy him. He shook his head, wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close to his side. “If we go back out there, and the war is still going on - or worse - then I can’t keep you safe.”

“We’ll keep each other safe, Cass.” Jyn tilted her head up to him and blinked in the sunlight. “We’re stronger together.”

“If we leave, and the war is over, where would we go?” Cassian asked as he traced her lips with his thumb.

Jyn shrugged. “Anywhere. Everywhere. I can’t imagine ever being so free.”

“I’d like to visit Fest,” Cassian gave a lopsided smile, and shrugged to hide the weight of the confession. “I’d like for you to see it.”

Jyn smiled. It was all still a dream, a maybe, but the thought of the two of them travelling the galaxy together in peace and freedom made her heart feel lighter than it had felt in years. She pressed her lips to his in agreement, pulling away only when someone starting singing and little Zell started bawling.

“Come on, Captain. Let’s make the most of the time we have left, who knows how long it will be before we get to dance again.”  


The heat on the planet grew more oppressive, the clouds darker, and the very air they breathed seemed heavier. On the day when the storms began, Jyn and Cassian packed their few belongings, and said their goodbyes to the friends they had made. Jyn found herself blinking back tears as she said goodbye to Nora and Zell, and the little one pulled at her hair with a delighted squeal. There was no point in making promises of coming back, of seeing each other again. 

As the lightning struck more frequently and thunder boomed above, Jyn and Cassian climbed into their little ship and prepared to leave. Before they took off, Cassian reached across from the pilot’s seat, gripped Jyn’s face and kissed her hard enough to take her breath away. 

There was every chance that the ship might not make it back through the atmosphere, or that the war would still be raging in the galaxy, that they could be fired on by Imperials or discover all their friends were lost.

It was not goodbye. It was everything they ever wanted to say to each other, poured into a bruising kiss.

They pulled apart, and leaned their foreheads against each other.

“Whatever happens, Jyn... I love you.”

“Nothing will change what we’ve built, Cassian. Te amo.”

With that, they took off, with their friends waving and praying below. As it had a year ago, the ship rattled and shook, and it felt like they were flying through mud. Jyn gripped the armrests of her chair as the ship bounced and rose and dropped and rose again. Cassian’s jaw was as tight as steel, his brow furrowed as his eyes flicked from the screen to the controls and readouts and back again. Jyn’s chest ached as she realised she had been holding her breath and just as she thought the ship couldn’t rattle anymore it shook so hard she thought it would fall apart. Outside the lightning flashed bright enough that she had to shield her eyes. When it faded and she could look at Cassian again, she saw naked fear and concern and that scared her more than the relentless shaking of the ship.

And just like that, it ended. There was no more resistance, no more lightning or cloud, just space and the stars.

Cassian released his breath in a joyful laugh, and Jyn joined him.  


The trip back to Hoth was uneventful, but the seconds seemed to last for hours. They had talked about it, made plans for possible scenarios: the base would be gone, the war would be over, the Alliance would be gone - Cassian still had contacts and back ups, even if they were a year out of date. That didn’t stop them both from slipping into quiet rumination on the trip. Eventually they dropped out of hyperspace, still following the old Alliance protocol for approaching the planet, and at the sight of the icy moon Jyn felt lead settle in her gut. She put her hand on Cassian’s shoulder from where she stood behind him, and he placed his hand over her own.

“Ready?” She asked, pressing her lips to his hair.

“Whatever happens, Jyn-”

“I know. All the way.” She smiled down at him when he turned to look up at her. With a heavy sigh, Cassian reached out and opened the lines of communication to the planet, using the old codes they would have used a year ago.

To their surprise, Control answered, gave them clearance, and permitted them to land.

“That was far too easy.” Jyn said, and she could see her own skepticism reflected in the tense line of Cassian’s shoulders.

But it really was that easy, and they landed their little ship in the southern hangar, and the Rebellion seemed as alive as ever as soldiers and techs and pilots buzzed around them. No one paid any attention to them, and there was no summons from Command. Jyn glanced up at Cassian, who mirrored her confusion with a furrowed brow, before something orange flashed at the corner of her vision.

“There you are! I always panic when you’re late.” Bodhi clapped each of them on the shoulders, and then squinted at Jyn. “What happened to your hair?”

Jyn tripped over her words - her hair had grown in the last year, and she wore it in a long braid, but why would Bodhi be worried about that of all things? Before she could respond, Bodhi’s attention was elsewhere, and he waved at a group of pilots wearing the same orange flightsuit as him.

“Bodhi, when did you last see us?” Cassian asked, snapping the pilot’s attention back to them.

Bodhi answered distractedly. “Five days ago, wasn’t it? Look I have to go, catch up later yeah?” He ran off to his fellow pilots and was swallowed up in their huddle, and Jyn’s heart fluttered strangely.

“Cassian...” Jyn looked around the hangar. “Doesn’t everything look the same as when we left?”

There was still an X-Wing from Gold Squadron with it’s nose hanging off, the same patched up walls and leaks, and so many of the same faces as the day they had left. 

“We were gone for a year... we lived for a year.” Cassian’s voice was soft, and Jyn wasn’t sure if he was talking to her or himself. “So why are we the only ones who have changed?” His gaze flitted around the hangar, taking in everything, analysing, calculating, like the spy he always was. A blue and white astromech unit rolled past, and Cassian called at it to stop. “Hey, what’s the date?”

It beeped and whistled in binary, and Cassian knelt down to its height.

“How long has Hoth been our base?”

Beep. Trill. _3 lunar months._ More beeping. _Do you need medical assistance, Captain Andor? You seem confused._

“What if we did live for a year?” Jyn said, and Cassian turned to her as he rose and waved the droid off. “What if we had a year, but it was just a few days for everyone else? Is that even possible?”

“Time passes differently in different systems, but I’ve never heard of anything like this... That doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.” He stepped in close and spoke in a low voice as he took her hands in his. “Jyn, if it’s only been a few days, then everyone we care about is still alive, but the war is still going on.”

“And we had a year to live in peace and be normal. Cassian, call me selfish but that’s a gift I never could have dreamed of.”

“Me too. A year with you - it makes a whole life of war worthwhile.”

Jyn’s heart fluttered, and she supposed it should have felt strange for a hangar full of soldiers to see Cassian leaning in for a kiss, but after a year of so much more she couldn’t imagine ever not kissing him.

And just as his lips met hers, the unmistakeable footsteps of a seven foot tall droid thundered behind her.

“Cassian, what are you doing? And why have you _aged_?”

Cassian chuckled, “Kay, you wouldn’t believe us if we told you.”


End file.
